I'm coming clean

I have agonized over whether or not to start posting again... I have been pretty busy since October so I haven't posted. But now I have a bit more time (at the moment) so I thought I'd start again. I hope someone out there still checks on me occasionally.

What made me decide to write was elle_cosette . I told her about the diet I started and she encouraged me to document my journey. I have felt like I needed to talk about what was happening with the diet because it I have made some pretty amazing discoveries as I have started the process. It is very personal and kind of difficult to write, but I think I need to get it out or I will fall back into my same habits again as soon as I am off it. I will talk about the diet eventually, but first I have to give some background...

I have been suffering for almost a year with a severe foot problem. At one point I was almost entirely confined to my bed because it hurt so much to stand. I went to every doctor and podiatrist to see if they could find the root of the problem and nothing they gave me helped. I'm sure you've had foot pain first thing in the morning before... That is what it was like. Only it never went away. It just got worse as the day progressed. I tried everything from pain killers to anti-inflammatories to cortisone to ultrasounds. I bought orthotics, new shoes, and inserts. I even went to a holistic chiropractor for voodoo drops. Nothing came close to knocking the pain. So I sat in bed all day, watching TV, trying to parent in absentia.

I ran into my cousin Richard, a chiropractor, while we were getting our parent's house ready for their visit after Katie passed away. He mentioned (as he fixed my kinked neck) that he had started doing his own voodoo. He was doing allergy testing and treatment. He invited me to come to his office and get tested. I figured it couldn't hurt... I had tried everything else. I went in and he tested me and found I was allergic to wheat. He treated me for a few weeks and the pain became more manageable. The allergy was gone, but the pain was not completely gone. He tested me for a few other things and treated them. Then he tested me to see if there was an emotional component to my pain. There was... He did his voodoo and asked me if there was something emotional that happened to me when I was 21. I told him yes. He did some more testing and said it wasn't something with my parents or husband or siblings... What was it? Well... I lost my baby when I was 21. He tested me again and sure enough, that was it. So after he treated me for that, my pain all but disappeared. I can finally wear cute shoes again! I can hike and shop and visit Temple Square to see the lights! I can't tell you what a difference it has made! Yeah, Richard!!!

So anyway, I have put on a LOT of weight in the past year, since I have been practically an invalid. I was disgusted with myself and nothing seemed to make a difference. I considered having bariatric surgery but was hesitant to do anything so drastic. Besides, the young sister of a friend just passed away from complications of the surgery, so I was very reluctant to take that chance. So I decided to try the HCG diet. Richard had a lot of success with it and all my aunts and uncles were doing it. But I was EXTREMELY scared because it is such a restrictive diet. Basically what you do is eat 500 calories a day while you take drops (or injections) of the hormones produced in the placenta during pregnancy. It tells your body to burn the fat in your body for fuel, rather than the calories you ingest. It also completely takes away the hunger. The way I saw it, there was no way to fail. If I am eating 500 calories a day, I WILL loose weight. There's no way to not loose weight because I burn more than that every day, just by sitting at the computer.

So I started it on December 30th.