I went to the district office yesterday and put in my application to substitute at the junior high and high school. I'm not freaking out about that yet... give me a few days. I haven't had a job in 20 years so the idea of having to be responsible is making me pretty stressed.
But more than that, I started my application to renew my teaching certificate and am looking at applying for a position at our high school. I just heard an English teacher is leaving next year and they are hiring. Yikes! I know I am not ready for full-time, but am I ready for even part time? I don't know!!! I keep thinking of all the class parities and the volunteering and the field trips I will miss in H and M's life and I get all uneasy about it. But this is an unique opportunity to be able to teach at my kids' school and it may not come around again for a long time. I loved teaching. I just can't shake the feeling the timing isn't right. But then again maybe the feeling is coming from the fear I have that I can't do it anymore--that I have lost my ability to think clearly and teach effectively...
I just get so frustrated with the quality of education my kids receive in their English classes. They don't learn to love literature or love to express themselves coherently through the written word. I want to see the excitement in their eyes as they discover truths and see themselves in novels rather than the boredom I see now... I want to see them passionate about words. I have that passion and want to pass it on. I learned to love literature and writing in high school thanks to a wonderful teacher who sadly committed suicide a few years ago. It feels like I am passing on her legacy if I can do that for other teenagers. But all these feelings are tempered by the knowledge that my children have to come first and M and H are still little girls who need their Mom to be at their Halloween parties and awards assemblies. Oh heck! Stay tuned, I guess.
But more than that, I started my application to renew my teaching certificate and am looking at applying for a position at our high school. I just heard an English teacher is leaving next year and they are hiring. Yikes! I know I am not ready for full-time, but am I ready for even part time? I don't know!!! I keep thinking of all the class parities and the volunteering and the field trips I will miss in H and M's life and I get all uneasy about it. But this is an unique opportunity to be able to teach at my kids' school and it may not come around again for a long time. I loved teaching. I just can't shake the feeling the timing isn't right. But then again maybe the feeling is coming from the fear I have that I can't do it anymore--that I have lost my ability to think clearly and teach effectively...
I just get so frustrated with the quality of education my kids receive in their English classes. They don't learn to love literature or love to express themselves coherently through the written word. I want to see the excitement in their eyes as they discover truths and see themselves in novels rather than the boredom I see now... I want to see them passionate about words. I have that passion and want to pass it on. I learned to love literature and writing in high school thanks to a wonderful teacher who sadly committed suicide a few years ago. It feels like I am passing on her legacy if I can do that for other teenagers. But all these feelings are tempered by the knowledge that my children have to come first and M and H are still little girls who need their Mom to be at their Halloween parties and awards assemblies. Oh heck! Stay tuned, I guess.
2 comments:
wow that's brave!
You'd be great though :)
you would be great but you have to follow your feelings after prayer
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